When do you realize you're not "straight"?

So when I broke the news to my wife that I was gay she wondered how long I knew. Why had I entered into a marriage when I was gay?
I thought about that question a lot. Had I known I was gay when I got married? Had I known when I proposed? Had I known when we moved in together? Honestly, I don't think I did know. But here are the clues maybe I should have been more aware of...

I remember being young and thinking boys were cute. I remember my sister being in love with one of the guys off of Dukes of Hazard and me saying I like the other. I remember being attracted to his handsome face, his dark hair and strangely his adam's apple. I wouldn't have even been five years old... should I have known then?

Or what about the times when I would catch myself watching other boys or men where ever I was and beating myself up about it. For some reason thinking it was wrong to watch males and not females. Should I have known then?

Or what about being bullied throughout grade school with people calling me names, asking me if I was a girl. Should I have known then?

And then I got to adolescense. And I dated girls. Got turned on by them. I masterbated just like every other guy my age. I would sneak into my Dad's porn collection and find all of it arousing. Whether it be guy/girl or girl/girl. It was all a turn on. Then I remember how my fantasies during masterbation would change and I'd be more focused on what guy was fucking the girl, or what his cock looked like, or his body. I didn't want to be gay but something in my head was making me pay attention to males more than females. I would swear to myself that I would only masterbate if I thought about the girl and not the guy. I would pray to God that I could be "normal" and only want to be with a girl.

I guess looking back it should be quite obvious that I would probably end up being a gay man. But I guess society got the better of me and I was ashamed of the reality in my head that didn't match what I thought was going to be accepted.

In answer to the question... NO. I did not know I was a gay man. I did not foresee that I would ever get divorced. I had not entered into the relationship in order to maintain a "straight" image. I entered into the marriage because I loved my wife and marriage was the next logical step.

Where to start?

I decided that because my life is going through such a complete transition that maybe I should log that change. Maybe one day I will look back and think this was all a waste of time, or maybe I will realize that this is a time in my life that requires strength that I didn't know I had, and maybe this diary will someday help others.
I am now trying to decide what I want to say in this blog. How honest do I want to be in a potentially public forum? How complete does this story need to be? What if those others in my life come upon this diary and realize things about me they never knew and maybe I don't want them to know.
This is a part of the story of my life. This is not completely who I am, but it's a huge part of who I am becoming and who I will be proud to be. The struggles are not easy for me or my family but we're going to be okay. Time will make everything okay. I will be okay.
So to start I guess I should introduce myself. Obviously, I am not at the point where I am going to use real names, including my own. The chance that someone will come across this, however remote, is still a possibility and I owe it to the others that my life affects to allow them to share my story when they are ready.
I am a 31 year old man. Over the last year I have come to realize that I was living a lie. I have lived the first 30 plus years of my life as a heterosexual male. I am a university graduate. I am a husband (at this point). I am a great father. I am a son and a brother. From all accounts I am just your regular guy... but in my head I have been struggling with who I am.